Though teenage years are recalled with happy tears and met with nostalgia by most parents, the realities that surround those years are definitely bitter-sweet in nature. Through raging hormones and transformative physical and cognitive changes, a teenager immerses themselves into a world of their own, pre-occupied with the misconception that what they feel is unique and comprehensible only to them. A parent can only guide and create a holding environment for their teenager and the first step starts with acknowledging the journey of the child as the real perspective of judgement and not one’s own rose-tinted memories. 

Heinrich and Gullone (2006) state in their review that loneliness is highly prevalent in adolescents with around 70% of 18-year-olds reporting recurrent loneliness. To fully understand the depth of this emotional experience, a subjective analysis of what the child values are essential. Studies have proven that rather than an objective measurement, the determinants of loneliness are credited to how the teenager mentally appraises her social interaction and her perceived sense of quality support from this network. Loneliness is defined as “a discrepancy between the desired and achieved patterns of social interaction” (Peplau and Perlman 1982, p.5). The feeling of lack of genuine social support and meaningful relationship is caused by a fundamental cognitive change that occurs during adolescence which predisposes them to value social belongingness and crave social acceptance. 

 With substantial research evidence, the common causes of loneliness can be narrowed down to socio-emotional changes during development and unfavourable circumstances such as bullying, relocation to another school, being differently abled, poor academic performance, body image issues, feelings of inadequacy and lack of meaningful relationships. Such environmental conditions promote feelings of social detachment and isolation which channels the child to maladaptive behaviours such as internet usage addiction and depressive episodes. Social anxiety can be seen as both a cause and effect of loneliness. Besides, chronic loneliness has proven to be associated with increased substance abuse in youth and teenage suicide attempts.

The strategies that can be adopted by parents and caregivers to guide the child into a path of healthy social interaction and encourage engagement in social activities fall into a positive implementation of communication and boundaries. Ideally, the following changes in parental guidance can be ensured.

  • Help the teen to look for green flags in friendships. Initiate a conversation about what your teen is craving in his/her personal relationships and analyse the unhealthy patterns. Educate your child on understanding a nourishing friendship and creating meaning. 
  • Provide opportunities where they can meet people of similar interests. The best way to ensure this is to get them to join the classes to work on their favourite hobbies or enrol them in interest groups.
  • Limit their social media usage. Ensure that communications over the internet do not cause comparisons and insecurities in the child. Such unhealthy exposure to content can lead to feelings of inadequacy and detachment. 
  • Educate yourself to recognise symptoms of loneliness in your child and be on the lookout for signs of self-destructive behaviours. Some of these symptoms include
    • Constant irritability and anger outbursts 
    • Tendency to refrain from their favourite activities 
    • Noticeable behavioural changes 
    • Disrupted sleep schedule 
    • Low self-confidence and low self-esteem 
    • Self-harming tendencies
  • Initiate conversations. Keep your cool and be willing to create an open space to communicate with your child. Understand and respect their boundaries and be non-judgemental. Try to develop a strong sense of trust in them so that they open up about their feelings and causes of loneliness. 

References

Goosby BJ, Bellatorre A, Walsemann KM, Cheadle JE. Adolescent Loneliness and Health in Early Adulthood. Sociol Inq. 2013 Nov 1;83(4):10.1111/soin.12018. doi: 10.1111/soin.12018. PMID: 24187387; PMCID: PMC3810978.

Loneliness is Hard (For Kids and Teens). (2017). Mental Health America. https://mhanational.org/loneliness-hard-kids-and-teens

Seattle’s Child. (2021, November 4). 7 Evidence-Based Ways to Reduce Teen Loneliness | Seattle’s Child. https://www.seattleschild.com/sponsored/7-evidence-based-ways-to-reduce-teen-loneliness/

Loneliness and isolation in teenagers – a parent’s guide. (2018). Bupa. https://www.bupa.co.uk/newsroom/ourviews/teenager-loneliness